So when a new quick-reading tool on social styles appears, I’m all over it. Written in the popular novelette/story format, this week’s tool (just 143 pages) can be read in about 90 minutes.
Forget the 16 grids and confusing letter combinations of Myers-Briggs (ENTJ, INTJ, etc.). Skip the four animals system (“I can’t remember—am I a collie, a muskrat or a hippo?”) Don’t waste time on the personality color systems, unless everyone in your circle is a color zealot (and they’re not).
If you want to effectively relate to people, literally in an instant, then order
7 Seconds to Success. It’s a fast read and co-authors Bob Phillips and Gary Coffey have a new, easy-to-remember slant:
•Analyticals are Thinkers
•Amiables are Touchers
•Drivers are Tellers
•Expressives are Talkers
The Four T’s are descriptive and memorable and the story builds the case for understanding these styles—and why it’s so important that you do. (Heads up all spouses, leaders, pastors, account reps, fundraisers, teachers, trainers, volunteer coordinators, CEOs, managers—and those who must “manage” their managers.)
The authors remind us that there are three key factors in effective communication:
•Content (7%)
•Tone of Voice (38%)
•Nonverbal Behavior (55%)
“It’s easy to get into sloppy habits when it comes to dealing with customers, clients and prospects. We need to become more alert in reading the people we meet. Lord Chesterfield said, ‘Look in the face of the person to whom you are speaking if you wish to know his real sentiments, for he can command his words more easily than his countenance.”
And this zinger: “When it comes to our own behavior, we judge ourselves by our motivations. When it comes to other people’s behavior, we judge them by their actions and words.”
You can recognize styles—in an instant—by observing pace and priority. Two pairs have the same priority:
•Thinkers and Tellers focus on tasks.
•Touchers and Talkers focus on relationships.
Two pairs have the same pace:
•Thinkers and Touchers tend to be slower-paced.
•Tellers and Talkers tend to be faster-paced.
Where’s the conflict? Yikes! Two pairs have nothing in common:
•Thinkers and Talkers: huge potential for conflict!
•Touchers and Tellers: neither pace nor priority in common.
Can you really read a person’s style—and make them comfortable—in just seven seconds? Yes. I’ve been a student of social styles for more than 30 years—and the authors are correct. You can relate to people in an instant, and by doing so, you’ll advance the relationship by leveraging (not manipulating) a person’s style.
If you’re in the already-convinced circle of social style evangelists, you’ll still benefit with one more tool. I’ve counted at least a dozen more insights (and PowerPoint slides) I’ve gleaned from just one quick read:
Advice for Thinkers: “Be willing to make decisions. That’s the most important quality of a good leader.” Don’t fall victim to what T. Boone Pickens calls, the “ready-aim-aim-aim-aim syndrome. You must be willing to fire.”
Who are the Talkers? Bob Hope, Jay Leno, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, Donald Duck, and the apostle Peter. “If a Talker’s house was on fire, he would say, ‘Since the house is on fire, let’s warm ourselves.’ They’re very charismatic, friendly and enthusiastic.”
What annoys Tellers? Boredom, details, excuses, indecisiveness, small talk, and taking orders. (The book has the master list of annoyances for all four styles.)
What do Touchers value? Approval, coaching, comfort, compassion, friendliness, kindness, loyalty and peacefulness. (Each style has a very distinct list of what they value.)