Radical Listening

 

Issue No. 642 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (March 28, 2025)  asks if you’ve ever read or listened to a book on enriching your conversations and listening skills? (Me neither!) Plus, click here for recent eNews issues posted at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog, including my recent review of The Sodfather. And check out the 20 management buckets (core competencies). The very helpful book, Radical Listening, offers a continuum of rude to polite interruptions for your next conversation: Taking the Microphone, Stealing the Podium, Asides, Humor, Alerts, and Minimal Encouragers. Need to improve (or confess)?     Don’t Take the Microphone or Steal the Podium! Go ahead. Ask your spouse (or your co-worker, best friend, or family member)…if you need to enrich your listening skills. (No-brainer, right?) So read this new book:   Radical Listening:  The Art of True Connection by Christian van Nieuwerburgh  and Robert Biswas-Diener (March 25, 2025) The authors remind us that if we live into our late 70s—“if you had only a single conversation a day, you would have about 28,000 conversations in your lifetime.” So here’s my question: Raise your hand if you’ve ever read a book, listened to a podcast, or participated in a workshop on being a better listener and conversationalist? (Yikes!)  But it’s never too late. And you just might bless the people closest to you—if you implement even 10 percent of the practical insights in Radical Listening. The authors, experienced executive coaches, researchers, and academics (one also rides a Harley!), deliver practical—and often humorous—counsel and coaching on how to have better conversations. Examples: 6 OBSTACLES TO LISTENING. By page 24, I was under conviction! Any chance you’re guilty of one or more of these six obstacles to an effective conversation?     • Comparing, Competing, Mind Reading    • Unsolicited Advice, Priority Status, Time Poverty The half-page chart on page 24 delivers 12 ways to mitigate these conversational sins. Instead of jumping in and “comparing,” the authors suggest you “Remind yourself to be more interested in their experience than sharing your own. Get curious about their situation and ask for more information.” Oh, my. I was in a meeting this week—and immediately wanted to jump in with my more interesting and more entertaining story (comparison!). Then I stopped mid-sentence! Radical Listening shined a spotlight on my lack-of-listening-savvy. Yikes. STEALING THE PODIUM! In my favorite chapter, “Interjecting,” the authors launch their coaching clinic on interruptions and interjections by mentioning the “familiar marimba ringtone” that interrupted the New York Philharmonic’s performance of Mahler’s Symphony No. 9 back in 2012. The conductor halted the music and waited! The New York Times covered this faux pas. Some called for the clueless “culprit” to be banned from future concerts! The book is filled with fascinating 2 x 2 graphics that illustrate the memorable bullet points and stories. (You’ll need some blank 2 x 2 quadrants for your notes.) This helpful graphic contrasts “Large” vs. “Small” interruptions with “Rude” vs. “Polite” interruptions. (Avoid the top-left quadrant!) The continuum: Taking the Microphone, Stealing the Podium, Asides, Humor, Alerts, and Minimal Encouragers. “Skillful interjection, if done thoughtfully—and not at the symphony—“is one of the most engaged forms of Radical Listening,” say the authors. Wow. I’m tempted to photocopy page 127 and bring it to my next meeting with this warning: “Heads up! I’ve just read Radical Listening, and I have a scorecard with me. I’ll be taking names and giving each of you feedback at the end of our meeting!” WHY I KEEP READING. Like many of my readers, most of us could probably “wing it” a bit, if asked to facilitate a one-hour workshop on effective listening. (How hard could that be?) But just a few pages into Radical Listening, I was stunned by the authors’ approach—and their clear mastery of the content. While Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener admit there are numerous sources on healthy listening habits, their claim is unique—that Radical Listening is something very, very different. (I was blown away by how much I didn’t know—and how much I learned. I’m grateful. My wife, Joanne, will be very grateful!) LISTENING 101…AND MORE! The authors label the first eight chapters as “Listening 101,” but then coax us into a deep dive on “The Listening Context”—the advanced course in listening. Chapter 9, “Listening Across Cultures,” features their “crash course in culture.”     • Read why one CFO, whose company serves eight nations, has deputized “listening ambassadors” in each country’s main office. Brilliant!    •  Another chart, “Facets of Cross-Cultural Communication,” will remind you that when you cross a border—you should bone up on six key areas, including “Use of Non-Verbal Behaviors.” (Hand gestures and smiles may get you into trouble. Ditto: prolonged eye contact.) And “Tolerance for Conflict” in various cultures may surprise you. (Bonus: see my recent review of Conflict Resilience.)    • This chapter reminded me of the helpful book, Leading Across Cultures, by James E. Plueddemann. Read my review.    • LOL! I could have used Radical Listening years ago in Taiwan. Read “Mistake #11” in my confessional, Mastering Mistake-Making. By the way, co-author Christian van Nieuwerburgh serves on university faculties in both Ireland and Australia. His global executive coaching practice includes his innovative short videos, Coach on a Motorcycle. Visit his YouTube channel. (Extra credit: see his 10-part series, “Getting Unstuck when Writing.”) In 2024, Robert Biswas-Diener was named to the Thinkers50 “50 Coaches” list. Read more about this co-author here, including his keynotes and workshops in more than 30 countries. MORE LISTENING INSIGHTS. I don’t want to spoil the self-discovery journey for you, so I’ll just tease you with a taste of what’s coming when you read (or listen to) the book:    • Learn why the authors recommend a “silent sound bath” treatment!    • In Chapter 5, “Acceptance,” discover the downside of politeness in a conversation. (On second thought—this is my favorite chapter!) Also learn about the downside of judgment.    • How many of the “10 mental biases” would your co-workers accuse you of? Does your boss or CEO suffer from “false-consensus bias”—the tendency “to believe that there is more agreement than there actually is” on your team? SEE WHY...why the “focusing illusion” (a lesser-known cognitive bias) might torpedo your next interview with a candidate. (Oh, my. That reminded me of a bad hiring decision I made…way back!)    • Pop Quiz! What are the five types of questions to avoid in a healthy conversation? (Sneak peek: The Trojan Horse question “is just a way of giving advice.”)    • If you want to be a Radical Listener, what five questions are the most helpful? (Hint: a “future-focused” question might be my favorite.)    • One more: The authors remind us that we make mistakes, we “labor under logical fallacies,” and sometimes “we are just plain wrong.” Better communication requires shifting from our negative inner monologues and critiquing the speaker—to a learning mindset. (Not a bad reminder when listening to Sunday sermons!) MY FAVORITE CHAPTER(S). I’ve already mentioned my favorite chapter (two, actually!). But to be honest—every chapter is my favorite chapter. This is a really, really useful book. I hope you’ll read it and order copies for others in your circle who want to enrich their listening competencies. It’s also endorsed by the author of The Coaching Habit. That’s high praise.   TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection, by Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener. Listen on Libro (5 hours, 45 minutes). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.   YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: 1) What other resources do you recommend on being a better listener? Way back, I reviewed Breakfast with Fred, by Fred Smith, Sr. (1915-2007). Jam-packed with discernment from 50 leaders (over breakfast), you can still enjoy a weekly dose of his “Timeless Wisdom for Today’s Leaders.” Click here for the recent issue, “The Listening Leader.” He wrote, “Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners.” 2) Do you learn by reading or listening? If you’re a listener, click here to listen to Dick Daniels’ podcast (six minutes), “Logical Listening: The Other Half of Communication.” For more short podcasts from his book, The 365 Day Leader, click here.  3) Do you have board members who “take the microphone” or “steal the podium” during board meetings? Read the blog I wrote for ECFA, “Board Meeting Rules of Thumb: Do Not Interrupt!” It features Ruth Haley Barton’s 10 listening guidelines. 4) Any Bible verses or axioms come to mind about being a better listener? (Read James 1:19-20 in the Amplified Bible.)        SECOND READS: Fresh Solutions From Classic Books You have changed—and your problems have changed—since you read this the first time! Book #12 of 99: I Want to Make a Difference Now For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by featuring Book #12 of 99 in our new series, “Second Reads.” The big idea: REREAD TO LEAD!Discover how your favorite books still have more to teach you and the people you’re coaching and mentoring. I Want to Make a Difference Now:  Your Bridge to Global Impact by Don Parrott   Don Parrott was president of Finishers Project when he wrote this book in 2011. Now known as MissionNext, this innovative ministry then merged with MissionWorks. Have you ever thought about serving outside of North America?    • Read my review (Issue No. 232, Oct. 1, 2011).    • Order from Amazon.    • Management Bucket #12 of 20: The Volunteer Bucket My “second read” of this book reminded me again of the amazing stories of men and women who have launched second careers in overseas ministry and missions work. (Warning! This is a dangerous book!) Parrott writes with humor and insight and spotlights 50 short blurbs on Boomers who took the leap—often across an ocean. See Chapter 1: “Lord, Don’t Send Me to Africa, and Other Bold Statements of Faith.” The book includes end-of-chapter convicting questions. (Oh, my.) Example: The 12 questions in Chapter 7 feature a rating scale (1 = weak, 5 = strong) to gauge your own self-awareness. What’s your rating for this one: “I can laugh at myself.” IMPORTANT NOTICE! Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being moved to a new website here. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. Or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon.   CLICK HERE FOR BOOKS BY JOHN        New AI Podcast: Recalibrate Your CallingEvery Day Click here to listen to the AI-generated podcasters (7 minutes, 28 seconds) who “review” John’s review of Dick Daniels’ helpful book, The 365 Day Leader: Recalibrate Your Calling Every Day. For more podcasts, click here. BONUS! Daniels has posted more than 50 “Brief Podcasts for Busy Leaders” here on his website. CONFLICT? Set Up 5 Chairs! I predict that the next time you’re coaching someone through a conflict, you will use the brilliant model from these former Harvard profs: Mirror Work, Chair Work, and Table Work. Read my review to learn why the physicality of using actual chairs (“set up five chairs”) may produce stunning results. Read Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In. And visit Pails in Comparison Blog for more reviews.