Don’t Say Um

 

Issue No. 634 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Jan. 9, 2025) launches the new year with a hot-off-the-press book on the two “buckets” of effective communication—and why your delivery is the most important. Plus, click here for my 2024 Top-10 Books and Book-of-the-Year. And go here for four lists of books reviewed from 2006 to 2024. Plus, find more book reviews at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog—and click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies). And finally: Song #45 of 45 in our fun series with commentary by Jason Pearson. The author of Don’t Say Um reports that 90 percent of the people he coaches on public speaking say something like, “I have these hands that showed up on my arms that belong to someone else and I have no idea where I should put them! What should I do?”     The 2 Giant Buckets of Communication I only made one New Year’s resolution for 2025: shorter book reviews. Then the worst possible scenario collided with my good intentions—this fabulous hot-off-the-press book!   Don't Say Um:  How to Communicate Effectively to Live a Better Life  by Michael Chad Hoeppner (Jan. 7, 2025) Quitter’s Day is not until Friday, but I officially quit today. (No more short reviews!) And you’ll thank me—because this extraordinary book on effective speaking (formal, informal, Zoom, and more) is jam-packed with dozens of fun and practical exercises to enrich your delivery. Examples:    • Finger Walking    • Lego Drill    • Silent Story Telling    • And my favorite: “Horn Hand.” (Try it with “In the Mood” and the Glenn Miller Orchestra!) I love this author! He coaches executives, MBA students, presidential candidates, professional athletes, and high school students trying to get into college. Oh…I wish I’d read this book years ago—but good news for all of us—we can still get better. Honest! Do you wonder: What should I do with my hands when I’m speaking?Michael Chad Hoeppner notes three SURPRISES about effective communication. The first surprise: “Great communication comes from being focused on the other person.” So…not my hands, huh?  The author adds, “I realize the ‘surprise’ of other-focus may sound absurdly obvious. But, as an example, I frequently work with people who are so messed up and self-conscious about what to do with their hands they could practically declare, ‘I have these hands that showed up on my arms that belong to someone else and I have no idea where I should put them! What should I do?’” Hoeppner says he gets this question from about 90 percent of the people he coaches on public speaking. He adds, “And yet, very few of those same people would ask me, ‘When I’m out to dinner with my friends, what should I do with my hands?’ At dinner, people are focused on (1) their friends, and (2) their food. In public speaking, their focus is on (1) my hands, and (2) my nerves.” This very creative book will patiently walk you through a major mind shift to help you become a better communicator: realizing the most important person in the room—is not you! I’m a sucker for page 25 insights (as long-time readers know) and on page 25, the author asks readers “to do your best impression of a ventriloquist, but a monotonous ventriloquist. Say these words with as little inflection, energy, and adamance as you can, and try to hide from the world the fact that you’re even speaking: ‘Content and delivery.’” Next, he coaches, “say those words again, but this time accompanied by a gesture.” (Next, he gives a memorable hand gesture you’ll never forget for “content” and “delivery.”) Hoeppner labels CONTENT and DELIVERY “the two giant buckets of communication.”    • “Content is what you say—it is your actual words.”    • “Delivery is how you say it—it is everything else: eye contact, tone of voice, gestures, and so forth.” Which matters more? Guess! (And how can you not like an author who uses “bucket” metaphors?) What’s gone wrong with books on effective speaking and communication?    • “The improve-your-communication merry-go-round.”    • Feedback from “so-called communication experts is utterly worthless” and often “actually makes things worse.”    • Bad advice from the “General Don’t” school of coaching!  Example: You’ll often hear, “In today’s speech try not to say um so much; it undermines your credibility.” So what happens with that “don’t” coaching? “…sit back and watch the number of ums they say explode.” And get this: the author admits that the book’s title, “Don’t Say Um,” is actually a trick to get your attention—because “DON’T” coaching does not work. The book, by the way, is often hilarious. The author’s side comments kept me laughing and turning the pages. And you’ll be shocked, but will chuckle often, at his very creative exercises.  Example: the GK Lego drill. If you don’t have Lego blocks, he urges you to rip out page 51 and create six smaller pieces of paper. (And who fills an entire page with repeated “lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum” lines? And why? Memorable!) Now—to be clear—don’t immediately order Don’t Say UM for your pastor, priest, or professor! But if you do—they will thank you. Honest! It’s also the perfect book for your team members—anyone who opens their mouth in a meeting or presentation. Also—students, board members, kids, grandkids, and sales people. Musicians will love the book! (View the short video, “What a Piano Can Show Us About Vocal Variety.”  And by the way, do you know the Five Ps of vocal variety? Good news—you actually don’t need to know them because Hoeppner says you already “know them in your bones.” To prove his point, he offers another exercise: “a time-tested switcheroo trick” to convince a three-year-old to return a stranger’s cell phone in exchange for a ball. (You know how to do it: “Do you want this thing or this thing?”) MORE EXERCISES (visit the website): • The cork-in-mouth exercise—or use a toothbrush (twice a day), a pen, or a cigarette. (Page 131 includes another rip-it-out page with the “Surgeon Author’s Warning!” The author notes, “Smoking cigarettes is bad for your health. Improving your communication is good for it!”) • “Ball Throwing.” If you don’t have a ball handy, page 113 is ready for you: “Blank page for you to rip out and crumble up into a paper ball! (C’mon, you know you want to!)” • Pop Quiz on page 19: “Who are the best communicators in the world? (No, really. Who do you think? In fact, write it in here. I’ll wait.)” Answer: page 20. TO BE OR NOT TO BE? Using Hamlet’s famous speech, the author humorously reminds us that in English, there are eight ways to indicate an end or pause of a sentence (period, comma, question mark, etc., and my favorite—the exclamation point!!!). His point—vocal variety “is essential and has multiple purposes,” including surprising your audience with a variety of pauses. RECOVERING FROM MISTAKES: I’m a big fan of mistake-making—that is, learning from mistakes—and Chapter 18 helps you recover from your mistakes with “How to Embrace Transparency (and Avoid Hiding).” Why should you do this? Admitting your mistakes—in the moment—will “engage your audience’s empathy. And if you have engaged an audience’s empathy, as a presenter you are halfway home.” Hoeppner suggest when you make a mistake, you can “Fix it” or “Feature it.”He urges you to draft your own transparency phrase to “course correct when (not if) you make a ‘mistake.’"  The book includes six transparency "playing cards" to cut out and use as visual aids. Examples:    • “Let me go back for a moment…”    • “Here’s a better way to put that…”    • “Actually, what I mean is…” You’ll laugh again at his assignment to write your own transparency phrase. Then he adds, “Now write another two (because life has plenty of mistakes in store for you).” WHEN COACHING OTHERS: Most of my readers will find immediate value from this book via the exercises (many of which can be found at the author’s website, GK Training)—and many are fun!. But I’m guessing many readers will order this book for other team members and colleagues they are coaching. The format of each short chapter is perfect for a coaching session. The book features four parts including “Everything You Need to Know” and “Everything You Need to Do.”    • Chap. 2. Let’s Unlearn What You’ve Learned    • Chap. 6. Conciseness: How to Talk Less and Say More (and Learn to Pause)    • Chap. 7. Articulateness: How to Choose Your Words (and Avoid “Um”)    • Chap. 9. Vocal Variety (The author writes, “This chapter is the remedy for all the ridiculous pablum you have probably encountered on this topic before.”)    • Chapters 13-15: Three Chapters on Physical Presence, including “How to Stop Obsessing About Your Hands.” Yes, Hoeppner actually titled his last chapter, “Last Chapter.” Hilarious! It’s just 204 words and it’s inspirational—with a warning. He urges us to be “honorable, moral communicators.” What about great presenters who are “narcissists and egomaniacs?” He won’t coach them. And this: in the short chapter, "AI and the Future of Delivery," he asks, "If everyone has equal access to accurate and memorable content, what will distinguish you from the countless others who are also saying dazzling ideas? You guessed it: delivery." You will love this book and will order it for others. (And stop thinking about your hands!) TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for Don't Say Um: How to Communicate Effectively to Live a Better Life, by Michael Chad Hoeppner. Listen on Libro (8 hours, 54 minutes). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.   YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: 1) Does effective communication matter when a friend or family member interviews for a job? Will too many “ums” or “you know's” or “likes” torpedo an otherwise qualified candidate? Probably if Tevi Troy is interviewing you! Read his WSJ article, “‘Like’ May Attract Like, but It Puts Me Off. When interviewing job applicants, I have a simple test: Can you talk without that verbal crutch?”   2) What other book has helped you be a more effective communicator? I appreciate these three:    • 15 Minutes Including Q&A: A Plan to Save the World From Lousy Presentations, by Joey Asher. (Read my review.)     • Public Speaking Laws of Success: For Everyone and Every Occasion, by Richard J. Goossen. (Read my review.)    • You’ve Got to Be Believed to Be Heard: The Complete Book of Speaking…in Business and in Life, by Bert Decker. (Read my review.)   PRAYING...CALIFORNIA WILDFIRES. I'm adding this note to urge friends around the world to be praying for those affected by the horrific fires in Southern California this week. As of press time, Jan. 9, 2025, there is no good news yet. (If you've been evacuated, please let me know if you need help.) I pray this songwill give you a moment of comfort.        SECOND READS: Fresh Solutions From Classic Books You have changed—and your problems have changed—since you read this the first time! Book #4 of 99: A Year With Peter Drucker For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by featuring Book #4 of 99 in our new series, “Second Reads.” The big idea: REREAD TO LEAD! Discover how your favorite books and niche chapters still have more to teach you and the people you’re coaching and mentoring. A Year with Peter Drucker:  52 Weeks of Coaching for Leadership Effectiveness by Joseph A. Maciariello (Harper Business, Dec. 2, 2014, 496 pages)   Ten years ago, in 2015, I convinced 41 friends and colleagues to select one or more of 52 favorite chapters from this book—and write a short color commentary on the leadership and management wisdom from Peter Drucker (1909-2005), the father of modern management.     • Read the weekly columns (2015) from guest writers.    • Read my original review (Jan. 7, 2015).    • Order from Amazon.    • Management Bucket #4 of 20: The Drucker Bucket My SECOND READ Insights/Ideas: I missed this brilliant idea the first time I read this. Last week, I was reminded of Drucker’s two big ideas from his Harvard Business Review article, “Managing Oneself.” He writes: “Am I a reader or a listener? The first thing to know is whether you are a reader or a listener.” (Got it. I know that—and I preach that!) But, somehow, I missed this: “The second thing to know about how one performs is to know how one learns. There are people, like Churchill, who learn by writing. Some people learn by taking copious notes. Beethoven, for example, left behind an enormous number of sketchbooks, yet he said he never actually looked at them when he composed. Asked why he kept them, he is reported to have replied, “If I don’t write it down immediately, I forget it right away. If I put it into a sketchbook, I never forget it and I never have to look it up again.” Some people learn by doing. Others learn by hearing themselves talk.” What? “Others learn by hearing themselves talk?” (His example in the HBRarticle is memorable!) Churchill and I are on the same page (in only one way!). But…who do you know that learns by “hearing themselves talk?” Read the HBRarticle here.   CLICK HERE FOR BOOKS BY JOHN        Note: Mastering 100 Must-Read Books includes reviews of five books by Peter Drucker, one of four gurus named to our "Mount Rushmore of Leadership Legends." IMPORTANT NOTICE! Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being moved to a new website here. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. Or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon.