The Best Question Ever

 

2007 BOOK-OF-THE-YEAR 3 Versions...2 Reviews! Issue No. 22 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Jan. 29, 2007) first spotlighted Andy Stanley's book, The Best Question Ever: A Revolutionary Approach to Decision Making. Two more updated editions followed. (They're all good!) Read on... Issue No. 491 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Oct. 14, 2021) grabs your attention with five questions from Andy Stanley, including “the best question ever.” And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies), and click here for the Mastering Mistake-Making webpage.      1993: “Sure, I could guest host a live radio program.” 2021: Andy Stanley asks, “Is that wise, John?”. A Voice for Radio Is Not Enough! Many people have told me I have a good “radio voice.” I sang bass in school and church choirs—so I often fantasized about having a radio gig. Others have said, “You have a face for radio!” In 1993 in the Chicago area, Dick Staub interviewed me live on his nationally syndicated afternoon drive-time radio program. The award-winning Dick Staub Show was carried on over 60 stations. The interview went great and so I just happened to mention to Dick that I had thought about being on the radio someday.  A few days later, Dick invited me to guest host his program for two days. Unfortunately, I said yes. Dick said he’d be in China that week—and even if I messed up—he’d be too far away to rescue me! So with a very brief orientation a week later with Dick, I had my assignment for my first on-air day: read a book about social welfare policy and prepare questions for the in-studio interview with the author.  Yikes! Upon arrival, the author said he couldn’t stay the full 60-minutes for the interview—but not to worry, he had questions I could ask listeners. They would certainly call in, he promised. No one called in! No one called! No one called! Imagine—trying to fill dead airtime with 30 minutes of monologue on a forgettable topic. At a commercial break, the producer gave me several prizes I could offer to callers. They called but only to get the prize from the producer—unwilling to speak on air with me. Even my faithful wife, Joanne (listening at home), sensed the disaster playing out in Chicagoland radio history—and even this knowledgeable former social worker did not call in to rescue me!  Good news/bad news. In reality, few were listening or cared. That morning on Oct. 6, 1993, Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time, announced his retirement from the Chicago Bulls. That’s what we talked about in the first hour of the program—and listeners did call in. But as the Jordan news swelled, by afternoon, no one was interested in discussing social welfare policy—including the author who left early! Oh, my.  Hmmm. You mean to tell me that just having a voice for radio is not enough? You also need a brain for radio? Who knew? And, please remind me not to take on roles outside of my skillset. I mention this story because Andy Stanley writes in Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets,  “Your decisions determine your story.”  My mistake back in 1993: Sometimes…ego and over-confidence in my abilities coaxed me into saying “yes” to opportunities and client projects—when I should have said “no.” Have you ever said “yes” to something only to discover it wasn’t the right fit? Then it’s too late to back out and every hour or day on the project is torture, right? Whew! Why did I agree to this? Gradually, the unpleasant situation is compounded by procrastination, mediocre results, and zero joy. My radio gig was very short-lived, but it did leave a bruise. Sometimes ego trumps discernment. In my consulting years, for example, it took several rounds for me to realize my competencies were in the nonprofit space, not the for-profit (but more profitable) arena. WHAT I LEARNED: I’m often asked, “What’s the best book you’ve read in the last year?” Some nonprofit leaders are looking for a gift book to send to donors. Others are being intentional about people development and want to bless their team members and board members. Sometimes I meet a serious lifelong learner. Leaders are readers. I had missed the publisher’s hype when The Best Question Ever: A Revolutionary Approach to Decision-Making, by Andy Stanley, was published in 2004. But in 2007, Dick Towner encouraged me to read it. I bought the book and Joanne read it first and she agreed with Dick. When those two gang up on me, I just salute and do what they say. I read and savored it. We bought a case and named it the 2007 “Book-of-the-Year” for our clients. (Note: Stanley wrote an updated edition, Ask It, in 2014.)  GOOD NEWS! Just 12 months ago, Andy Stanley added four more questions and wrote Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move. At just 192 pages, it’s worth your time—and you’ll be sharing it with colleagues, friends, and family (and grandkids!). The five questions: 1. The Integrity Question: Am I being honest with myself? Really? 2. The Legacy Question: What story do I want to tell? 3. The Conscience Question: Is there a tension that deserves my attention? 4. The Maturity Question: What is the wise thing to do? 5. The Relationship Question: What does love require of me? In Mastering Mistake Making, I focused on Stanley’s fourth question, “What is the wise thing to do?” That’s from Mistake #24, “Saying ‘YES’ Too Often.” Here’s the big idea from Andy Stanley: “We've all done dumb stuff in our lives. We all have regrets. Yet none of us plans to mess up our lives. Why, then, does it keep happening?” Stanley offers a very practical question to ask—and it’s applicable to all of our actions in all of life's arenas. The question: “In light of my past experience, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for me to do?” The author of more than 20 books and the founder of Atlanta-based North Point Ministries, Stanley also notes the WORST question to ask: “Is there anything wrong with it?” He says the worst question is also the wrong question to ask. The best question: “Is it wise?” It’s simple, convicting, and demands discernment. For example:    • Sure, I could guest host a radio program. (Is that wise, John?)    • Well, my expertise is actually with nonprofit Christian organizations, churches, and associations—but yes, I could help your for-profit business. (Is that wise, John?)    • Joanne, we do have the money. Owning it would be fun! (Is that wise, John?) If you’ve already nailed Question #4, “What is the wise thing to do?”—then discern if you’re gutsy enough to look in the mirror while you’re answering Stanley’s other four questions: #1. The Integrity Question: Am I being honest with myself? Really? • “Most people don’t learn from bad decisions because they’re convinced their bad decisions were somebody else’s fault.” • “Decision #1: The Integrity Decision. I will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself.” • “Pardon my presumption, but you may need to write that down and put it where you can see it every day. For a while anyway. I suggest a mirror.” This reminded me of the classic song, “Have a Little Talk With Myself,” performed by Max Q.   Listen to “Have a Little Talk With Myself,” performed by Max Q. #2. The Legacy Question: What story do I want to tell? • Learn about the story Joseph lived (20 years after his brothers sold him into slavery!) and why you’re writing your own story—“one decision at a time.” #3. The Conscience Question: Is there a tension that deserves my attention? • The story that King David chose not to write for his grandkids: “Grandpa David, tell us one more time about how you became king. You know, how you snuck up behind King Saul while he was using the potty and slit his throat!” • This question prompted me to re-read A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness, by Gene Edwards. Powerful! #5. The Relationship Question: What does love require of me? • Stanley’s mentor would ask him, “Andy, what do you hope I don’t ask you about?” (Andy’s response: “That’s cheating! You’re supposed to poke around and discover that for yourself!”) Whew! If you’re gutsy enough—read and share this book with your team. To order from Amazon, click on the title for Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move, by Andy Stanley. Are you a listener? Listen to the book on Libro.fm (4 hours, 9 minutes), narrated by Andy Stanley. And thanks to Zondervan for providing a review copy. YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: 1) Raise your hand if you think John’s wife should have called into the radio show!  2) Think of a decision we made recently that didn’t turn out well. Could we have avoided the trauma if someone had asked the best question ever? “Is it wise?”     IMPORTANT NOTICE! Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being moved to this website. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And/or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon.

Joy at Work

 

Issue No. 7 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Oct. 9, 2006) features radical “Water Cooler Wisdom” from Dennis Bakke who writes, “We have made the workplace a frustrating and joyless place where people do what they’re told and have few ways to participate in decisions or fully use their talents.” For more resources, check out the 20 management buckets (core competencies). 2006 BOOK-OF-THE-YEAR! Dennis Bakke writes, “We have made the workplace a frustrating and joyless place where people do what they’re told and have few ways to participate in decisions or fully use their talents.”   THE JOY OF DECISION-MAKING: Get Advice Before Making a Decision—or “You’re Fired!” The paperback edition of this national bestseller was published this summer.  The book describes Dennis Bakke’s radical approach to bringing joy into the corporate and nonprofit workplace. Joy At Work: A Revolutionary Approach To Fun On The Job  by Dennis W. Bakke (March 7, 2005) Have you ever annnounced this to your staff? Water Cooler Wisdom #8: “Everyone must get advice before making a decision. If you don’t seek advice, ‘you’re fired.’” Bakke is no believer in workplace decisions by consensus or majority vote.  Hire great people and let them have the fun (the joy) of decision-making.  If that’s not revolutionary enough, shake-up your team with Water Cooler Wisdom #9: “A ‘good’ decision should make all the stakeholders unhappy because no individual or group got all they wanted.”  Trust me. Your team members will love this book! I had the privilege of writing an endorsement for this book. Here's what I said: "Finally! Here's a truth-telling CEO, with years of in-the-trenches experience, who practices what he preaches.  Dennis Bakke thoughtfully dispels popular business myths, and he'll persuade you to think differently about your workplace.  People are not 'our most important asset.' (People are people, not assets.)  Customers are not always No. 1. (It's not that simple.) Gutsy CEOs will buy Joy at Work for every co-worker--and feed a revolution of joy in the workplace."  Rule #3 in Bakke's Water Cooler Wisdom Top-10 List is my favorite: "Attempt to create the most fun workplace in the history of the world." Bakke is waging war on leaders and managers who keep all the fun (that is, decision-making) to themselves. I share his aspirations for fun. "The Hoopla! Bucket" is one of 20 buckets in my book, Mastering The Management Buckets: 20 Critical Competencies for Leading Your Business or Non-profit. Managers who thrive on power, prestige, and phony empowerment will hate Bakke's book. I hope Joy at Work becomes a movement! TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for Joy At Work: A Revolutionary Approach To Fun On The Job, by Dennis W. Bakke.   YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: 1) How effective are we in seeking advice from other team members? Do we give the point person the joy of making his or her own decisions? 2) What would it take for “fun on the job” to be a core value here? 2025 UPDATE: Bonus Book! Also from Dennis Bakke, The Decision Maker: Unlock the Potential of Everyone in Your Organization, One Decision at a Time. Order from Amazon. Read my review on Amazon.  IMPORTANT NOTICE! Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being moved to this website. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And/or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon.

CEO Ready

 

Issue No. 663 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Nov. 25, 2025) highly recommends a book for CEO wannabes—and current CEOs who are still lifelong learners. Plus, click here for recent issues posted at the NEW site for John Pearson’s Buckets Blog, including Time to Stand Up, by Bill Hull. Also, check out the 20 management buckets (core competencies). Co-author Byron Loflin coaches CEO candidates to “imagine where they are and what they’re doing ten years from now”—by having a cup of coffee with their future selves. “What would they say they’ve found most rewarding during those years?"   7 Judges You’ll Face in the CEO Interview Process Quick! Give me 10 key points to share with a candidate who thinks he or she is ready for the top spot: CEO. (I thought of three—but then I read this book. Oh, my. I know nothing!) The 20-page chapter with “Ten Ways to Work with Peers in Order to Be CEO Ready” is worth the price of the book. Chapter 5’s subtitle is a warning: “C-suite colleagues can’t get you the job, but they can kill your chances.” CEO Ready:  What You Need to Know to Earn the Job —and Keep the Job by Mark Thompson and Byron Loflin (Nov. 25, 2025)   I’m a big fan of recommending niche chapters. See Ball #2 in my Book Bucket chapter, “Mentor Your Team Members With Niche Books: Leverage their strengths with thoughtfully selected chapters.” So when I read Chapter 5 in CEO Ready—it was a no-brainer and a time-saver. The next time a leader asks me how to prepare for a CEO interview, my response will be: “Read Chapter 5, 'Prepare to Move from Peer to Chief.'” This book far surpasses anything I've ever read on this topic. It's comprehensive and so insightful. Many CEO wannabes, per the experience of the authors, are woefully unprepared—even when others have signaled that they are the top candidates. Wanna be ready? Read this. Did you know you will face seven judges during the CEO interview process?    1. You    2. Board of Directors    3. C-suite Peers    4. Current CEO    5. Owners (stakeholders and the “court of public opinion”)    6. Recruiters and Assessors    7. Direct Reports, Employees, and the Customers They Serve Here’s a taste of this must-read book from Harvard Business Review Press: #1. YOU. “Get to know your blind spots and fears, then learn to manage them.” Don’t skip the section on your top nine blind spots. Gut-check?    • Blind Spot #1: Overestimating your status as heir apparent.    • Blind Spot #4: Behaving badly if you’re passed over (again). “Get yourself a truth teller,” recommend the authors. By the way, Byron Loflin has interviewed over 1,000 CEOs and board members. Mark Thompson previously served as chief executive of the CEO Academy in partnership with Wharton and McKinsey. #2. BOARD OF DIRECTORS. Warning! Marshall Goldsmith, who wrote the foreword to the book, says that boards can smell inauthenticity “a mile away.” He adds, “It’s not that we hate suck-ups; it’s that we hate bad ones.” The authors warn: “Do not patronize, flatter, or ingratiate yourself with the board.” Yet… “Wanting the CEO job requires ego. Being great at the job requires humility.”    • Insightful: five factors the board will find favorable about internal candidates—and six factors that favor external candidates.     • The authors list eight “common reasons candidates are not selected” by the board, including personal or professional issues and proclivities such as “telling the world how smart we are,” “not listening,” and “failing to give proper recognition.”    • Must read: Marshall Goldsmith’s list of 20 workplace habits “you need to break,” featured in his bestseller, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. (Read my review.) By the way, read this helpful article on nonprofit searches from Bruce Dingman, “The Proper Care and Handling of Internal Candidates.” #3. C-SUITE PEERS. “No organization is better than its vice president level”—so how will your peers respond if you get the CEO position? Support you—or bolt? (Yikes!) Long before the CEO search begins, one leader says he “explicitly expects leaders to spend one day a week helping colleagues outside of their own areas to succeed.” Thompson and Loflin add, “That should be considered a minimum outreach for someone who wants to be CEO.” There’s more:    • “There’s a burdensome weight that about eight out of ten CEO candidates carry around: they need to prove they’re right. And frankly, you don't get to be in the running for a CEO slot if you haven't been right a lot. Yet, a big part of this shift is that, as CEO, you know on a good day you may only know about 20 percent of the answers you need.”    • Note: Dick Daniels warns about "the danger of the 15%. Some people can be right 85% of the time. It is a powerful gift. The danger is when they assume they are right 100% of the time. They become relationally dangerous 15% of the time when they are wrong but think they are correct." (Read my review of Leadership Briefs.) #4. CURRENT CEO. Many incoming CEOs are oblivious to the feelings of outgoing CEOs. One CEO told the authors that she swore to herself, “’I’ll never look back. But it was like cutting off an arm.’ She found it difficult to reconcile the fact that ‘the greatest impact I’ve ever had might be over.’”  In the section, “Expect Emotional Distress or Resistance,” the authors caution, “Prepare for the possibility that your predecessor will not step aside gracefully, even if they profess a desire to do so. Even CEOs who have announced their departure may change their mind.” And note: CEO Ready is not just for future CEOs. Current CEOs—all leaders and managers—will benefit from reading this book. The authors quote former HBS dean Nitin Nohria’s research on why leaders must distinguish between four different types of incoming challenges:     • Normal noise (“the small stuff”)    • Clarion calls (“the big ones—loud and sustained")    • Whisper warnings (“the trickiest to spot”)    • Siren songs (“the seductive distractions”) Pick one—any one! The book notes seven justifications why some CEOs postpone their exits:    • My successor isn't ready yet.    • The organization needs me now more than ever during this period of change.    • It's just not the right time to leave.    • The employees, customers, and shareholders won't stand for it.    • The board wants me to stick around.    • I need to work through the merger or latest transformation.    • I'm planning to leave after the next year or two (or some noncommittal period). #5. OWNERS (stakeholders and the “court of public opinion”). Note: Many of the readers of this eNews are leaders and board members of nonprofit organizations. While this chapter—“Engage with the Owners: Your candidacy depends on what your shareholders value”—may not be immediately relevant to the nonprofit world, don’t skip it. Read “Your CEO Readiness Pulse Check” at the end of this chapter (ditto—at the end of every chapter), and definitely read about the seven ways to win the “CEO audition,” and read the section, “Honor the Founder.” #6. RECRUITERS AND ASSESSORS. This chapter plows new ground—and reminds all of us we still have much to learn. Oh, my!    • “Embrace the scrutiny. Learn to live under the microscope of assessors and consultants who’ve never had the job.”    • “Some 53 percent of the time, the ‘obvious heir apparent'—the anointed successor in a CEO search—proves to be the wrong choice…” according to one of the leading firms conducting senior executive assessments.    • And this caution for all of us who love assessments: George Smart, founder of ghSMART, “…eschews many of the off-the-shelf psychological and behavioral tests that you may have taken already, because most are not validated—in a scientific sense—so they cannot predict CEO success.”    • Practical idea: “Write a five-page vision memo about being the next CEO…”    • Note: The 25-page appendices are jam-packed with assessments you may be asked to complete (descriptions of nine common diagnostic tools); assessment frameworks categorized into four major areas including conflict and change management; and assessments used by the major executive search firms—and how they differ. #7. DIRECT REPORTS, EMPLOYEES, AND THE CUSTOMERS THEY SERVE. You’ll appreciate (and learn from) the chapter, “Honor Culture, Comfort Customers, and Manage Celebrity.” Honest. There’s just WAY too much good stuff in this chapter too. Here’s a start: rate your competencies in the “seven officer roles of the chief executive.” (Did you know you’d have seven roles? LOL!)    • Chief Engagement Officer    • Chief Customer Officer    • Chief Gratitude Officer    • Chief Architect (“Can you reinvent what must change while preserving what works?”)    • Chief Culture Curator    • Chief Transformation Officer (Another warning! According to HBR research, “only 22 percent of CEO-led transformations succeed.”)    • Chief Communication Officer PERMISSION TO BE HAPPY! Gratefully, the authors wrap up this extraordinary book of warnings and cautions with a final chapter, “Permission to Be Happy.” They challenge CEO candidates to ask three questions: "What anchors you? What fuels you? What lights your sky?" If you’re looking towards the CEO role—or coaching someone eyeing that chair—I hope you’ll read this book. TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for CEO Ready: What You Need to Know to Earn the Job—and Keep the Job, by Mark Thompson, Byron Loflin, and a foreword by Dr. Marshall Goldsmith. Listen on Libro (9 hours, 3 minutes). And thanks to Harvard Business Review Press for sending me a review copy.   YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: 1) GUT CHECK! In Chapter 5 of CEO Ready, the authors preach that lifelong learning for leaders is a must. Ditto humility. Try this: “Last month I told you that I wanted to become a more effective listener when I interact with my team and during our executive team meetings. Based on my behavior in the past month, what suggestions would you have for me? Do you see anything that could help me become a better listener next month?” 2) In the chapter, “Win the Board’s Trust,” the authors list five questions you must answer to become CEO ready. Question #3: “Do you act like you’re always being evaluated, because you are? Even when there's no formal plan in motion, the board is assessing you in every interaction. Are you showing up with presence, curiosity, and maturity, even when no one says it's an audition?" 3) “What if…our CEO is hit by a bus?” If you’re a board member of a nonprofit ministry—succession must always be on your agenda. Check out videos and resources in the ECFA Governance Toolbox Series #4: Succession Planning.        SECOND READS: Fresh Solutions From Classic Books You have changed—and your problems have changed—since you read this the first time! Book #33 of 99: Protected! For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by featuring Book #33 of 99 in our series, “Second Reads.” The big idea: REREAD TO LEAD! Discover how your favorite books still have more to teach you and the people you’re coaching and mentoring. PROTECTED! A True Life Story of God's Word Smuggled  Behind the Iron Curtain—and the  Influence of a "Tremendous" Man by Bob Kelly (Nov. 21, 2018) Have you ever felt unprotected? Fearful? Anxious? Sleepless? Worried? Second-guessing—“why-did-I-say-yes-to-this?” Bob Kelly’s short book packs a punch (dozens of punches!) as he bobs and weaves the Psalm of Protection through page-turning stories while smuggling Bibles behind the Iron Curtain in the 1970s.    • Reviewed in Issue No. 399 (Jan. 15, 2019).    • Read my review on Amazon.    • Order from Amazon.    • Management Bucket #13 of 20: The Crisis Bucket. You think you’ve had a few zig-zags in your career? Read why Bob, the East Coast bank president, signed on with a Bible-smuggling ministry in California—while his car ended up near El Paso, Texas! (Read Chapter 8, “A Hard Decision.” A miracle story!) And, oh, my…did I mention his short stint selling life insurance? One interviewer’s assessment, “This applicant is confirming definitely a real lack of interview getting and closing capacity.” LOL!   CLICK HERE FOR BOOKS BY JOHN      Mistake #2 of 8: “Misunderstanding Board Member Roles: The 3 Hats.” Read more in the new workbook, The 8 Big Mistakes to Avoid With Your Nonprofit Board—and complete the worksheet on page 17, “What Hat Are You Wearing When…” IMPORTANT NOTICE! Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being moved to this website. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And/or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon. Shroud of Turin Museum Now Open! Orange County, CA “The Shroud of Turin: An Immersive Experience,” a $5-million, 10,000-square-foot museum dedicated to the world’s most studied artifact, opened to the public on Nov. 19, 2025, in Garden Grove, Calif. This landmark museum—the largest of its kind—will immerse guests into the life and times of Jesus of Nazareth, presenting compelling evidence on the purported burial cloth He left behind. More info here. (Watch for my review.)   Page-Turner! When I started reading these stunning stories of redemption and transformation—I put down my pen and just read (and prayed). Read my short review of Cracked Vessels: True Stories of Real Life Restoration, by J.P. and Diana Spitz with Mark Ellis. Find more reviews at my Pails in Comparison blog.

What Got You Here Won't Get You There

 

2013 BOOK-OF-THE-YEAR Issue No. 269 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Feb. 18, 2013) highlights my book-of-the-year pick from 2013 by the "World’s #1 Leadership Thinker." (What's on your business card?) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Behavioral Tics and Tweaks  Good News: a client gave me this week’s book.  Bad News: a client gave me this week’s book. Whew!  This is one powerful, convicting book. Bestselling author Marshall Goldsmith says there are 20 workplace habits you need to break. He quotes Peter Drucker: “We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop. Half the leaders I have met don’t need to learn what to do. They need to learn what to stop.”   Goldsmith agrees and then asks, “When was the last retreat or training session you attended that was titled, Stupid Things Our Top People Do That We Need to Stop Doing Now?”   Mega-Warning! The author—called the World’s #1 Leadership Thinker (pretty good branding)—says the problem for leaders is “not deep-seated neuroses that require years of therapy or tons of medication to erase. More often than not, they are simple behavioral tics—bad habits that we repeat dozens of times a day in the workplace—which can be cured by (a) pointing them out, (b) showing the havoc they cause among the people surrounding us, and (c) demonstrating that with a slight behavioral tweak we can achieve a much more appealing effect.”   Perceptively, Goldsmith identifies co-workers, bosses, volunteers and board members you know: “people who do one annoying thing repeatedly on the job—and don’t realize that this small flaw may sabotage their otherwise golden career.  And, worse, they do not realize that (a) it’s happening and (b) they can fix it.”    But here’s his asteroid-size attention-getter: smart, successful people are pitifully blind to their own tics. (If you agree, then insert your own Big Gulp here.)   The author says that the faulty behavior that messes up the workplace (and your home) is not due to flaws of skill, intelligence or personality. “What we’re dealing with here are challenges in interpersonal behavior, often leadership behavior. They are the egregious everyday annoyances that make your workplace substantially more noxious than it needs to be.  They don’t happen in a vacuum. They are transactional flaws performed by one person against others.”   The 20 Workplace Habits You Need to Break include: #1. Winning too much. #2. Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion. #3. Passing judgment. #5. Starting with “No,” But,” or “However”: The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly says to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.” #9. Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others. #12. Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it. #14. Playing favorites. #16. Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues. #18. Punishing the messenger. #20. An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are.    There are another 10—equally convicting for some of us.  But here’s the good news: Goldsmith says that these faults are simple to correct. Yet there’s bad news: “The higher you go [in your career], the more your problems are behavioral.”   If you’re gutsy enough to read this, you will not get to page 223 unscathed. If you read with a pen, like I do, you’ll have few unmarked pages. As a bonus along the way, the leadership wisdom oozes out:    • Why not listening sends an “Armada of Negative Messages” (page 86) and three things all good listeners do (page 147). Goldsmith says “80 percent of our success in learning from other people is based upon how well we listen.”    • The seven phases of a project and why projects fail because we erroneously practice “one, two, three, seven.” Don’t skip Phase 5: woo laterally to get buy-in from peers (page 144).    • One big reminder about people styles: “You are not managing you” (page 208).    • Why the most successful CEOs and senior leaders often have the best personal assistants (page 196).    • Why people’s common sense gets fuzzy and opaque—when you’re talking about interpersonal behavior, and why leaders often choose the wrong thing to fix (the easy one, not the glaring one). See Goldsmith’s seven rules on the change process, including “Rule 1: You Might Not Have a Disease That Behavioral Change Can Cure” (chapter 13).    • Why you must say “Thank You” when receiving requested feedback—and then stop. Say no more. Nada! (Chapter 11: Following Up and Chapter 12: Practicing Feedforward)   I don’t know how I missed this gem-of-a-book, first published in 2007, but I’m very, very grateful to Gordon Flinn for this treasured gift.  It has already improved my conversations when my wife, Joanne, offers a kind tweak for one of my many tics. I’m learning to respond, “Thank you.” Period.    As a Christ-follower, I have one caveat to the book. There is a spiritual dimension missing, as is common in many business/leadership books. For the Christian, behavioral change is a mandate, but we’re not dependent on only bootstrap discipline and frank feedback. Made in the image of God, we can understand and implement real change only from a theological, biblical worldview. It’s not either/or, it’s both. (2020 Note: If I could thoughtfully integrate the practicality of this book with the deep spiritual context of the business book, The Pope and the CEO, then, wow, that would be the perfect balance. Stay tuned!)   Two additional notes: First, Chapter 12, Special Challenges for People in Charge, encourages leaders to write a document: “Memo to Staff: How to Handle Me.” If written with humility and transparency, it’s a brilliant, brilliant tool.   Second, the appendix features a “Global Leadership Inventory” that can be used as a 360-feedback assessment. Respondents are asked to rate their leaders on a five-point scale from Highly Satisfied to Highly Dissatisfied. (Example: #44: “Asks people what he/she can do to improve.”) This is worth the price of the book.   To order from Amazon, click on the title What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: Discover the 20 Workplace Habits You Need to Break, by Marshall Goldsmith with Mark Reiter. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your Weekly Staff Meeting Questions: 1) The author says that a “minor” workplace foible can become a major crisis. Why? “More often than not, it’s because people’s inner compass of correct behavior has gone out of whack—and they become clueless about their position among their coworkers.” So…if all of us are somewhat clueless, what should we do? 2) Goldsmith lists a 21st behavioral issue by giving “Goal Obsession” its own chapter. Goal obsession is “…not a flaw. It’s a creator of flaws. It’s the force that distorts our otherwise exemplary talents and good intentions, turning them into something we no longer admire.” Why might that be? MORE RESOURCES: • BLOG: Pails in Comparison  -  SUBSCRIBE: Your Weekly Staff Meeting eNews • JOHN'S BOOK REVIEWS: on Amazon - WEBSITE: Management Buckets • BLOG: Governance of Christ-Centered Organizations

How to Get Along With Anyone

 

Issue No. 648 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (June 9, 2025) asks you raise your hand if you ever have conflicts with coworkers or family. (I see those hands—and now there’s help!) Plus, click here for recent eNews issues posted at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And, check out the 20 management buckets (core competencies). The authors of How to Get Along With Anyone list nicknames for each of the five conflict styles. If your conflict style is Collaborator, perhaps “The Hostage Negotiator” moniker will be on your next office desk nameplate! Your Best & Worst Teammates! Raise your hand if you’ve read one or more books on dealing with conflict. Now…raise your other hand if you still experience conflict in your relationships. OK…I see those hands. (But…good news! Help has arrived!)   How to Get Along with Anyone:  The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing  Conflict at Work and at Home  by John Eliot and Jim Guinn (Feb. 18, 2025)   Really, Pearson? You read another book on predicting and preventing conflict in the workplace and at home? Why? Duh! But this review isn’t about me and my conflicts—but I’ll tell you what intrigued me about this book. (And for the record: this is the first of my “Summer Shorts” reviews—quick-read reviews of books to bring along to the beach or the mountains.) #1. FIVE CONFLICT STYLES. For years, I’ve addressed conflict through the filter of the four social styles (see the People Bucket): Analyticals, Amiables, Drivers, and Expressives. But the co-authors of How to Get Along With Anyone (Fortune 500 consultants, coaches, mentors to pro athletes, psychologists, mediators, and more) say there are FIVE conflict styles—and you can master them. Hmmm!    • AVOIDER: Uninterested in minor details; excels in solitary work with a knack for concentration.    • COMPETITOR: Always pushing the envelope; never rests on laurels and takes risk for achievement.    • ANALYZER: Evidence-based and methodical; patiently gather info before acting.    • COLLABORATOR: A deeply caring, “oration virtuoso” relying on exceptional relationships skills.    • ACCOMMODATOR: Prioritizes achievements and well-being of those they care about over their own. Recognize anyone on your team—or in your family. Or you? #2. MEMORABLE NICKNAMES! Warning! You may be tempted to order office nameplates with appropriate nicknames for your co-workers, but maybe hold off until your whole team has read the book. (LOL.) John Eliot and Jim Guinn deliver these memorable monikers:    • AVOIDER: The Golfer, The Chess Master, The Artist, The Architect    • COMPETITOR: The Linebacker, The Firefighter, The First Responder, The Race Car Driver, The Gladiator    • ANALYZER: The General Manager, The Detective, The Explorer, The Archaeologist    • COLLABORATOR: The Agent, The Diplomat, The Hostage Negotiator    • ACCOMMODATOR: The Point Guard, The Concierge, The Conductor, The Sherpa What’s your nickname? #3. BEST & WORST TEAMMATES. Face it—we naturally gravitate to certain styles. The authors enrich those inclinations with best and worst pairings. Examples: BEST TEAMMATES:    • Avoiders work well with Accommodators.    • Competitors work well with Avoiders.    • Analyzers work well with Collaborators.    • Collaborators work well with Analyzers.    • Accommodators work well with Avoiders. WORST TEAMMATES:    • Avoiders don’t work well with Analyzers.    • Competitors don’t work well with Analyzers (in the short term), and Accommodators (in the long term).    • Analyzers don’t work well with Accommodators.    • Collaborators don’t work well with Avoiders.    • Accommodators don’t work well with Competitors.   Note: This is the first of our “Summer Shorts” book reviews—short, crisp, and ready for your summer vacation. Enjoy! #4. QUICK SNAPSHOTS. The description of each of the five conflict styles includes one-liner memorable snapshots, including: Common Triggers, Strengths, Weaknesses, Ideal Conflict Scenarios, Main Mo, and per above—Nicknames, Best and Worst Teammates. Examples:    • Common trigger for Analyzers: “Haste or rushing; unrealistic offers or proposals; egotistical people, uncompromising people.”    • Common trigger for Competitors: “Back seat drivers; excessive opinions about how a task is or should be being performed; passiveness; inaction, excuses.” #5. POP QUIZ! CONTEMPORARY EXAMPLES! The authors identify well-known examples of each style. So here’s my pop quiz: Identify the style represented:    • Owl from Winnie-the-Pooh    • Mike Singletary    • Prince Harry    • Dr. Ruth    • George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart) in It’s a Wonderful Life BONUS! BIG 4 CHECKLIST. Normally, I look for the meat of a book on or around page 25. But I was patient and Eliot and Guinn delivered the payoff on page 55: “Big 4 Checklist.” I photocopied this and will bring it to my next meeting! The first of five columns lists the five conflict styles and then the other column headings showcase the “Big 4 Checklist” in four categories: Mode, Timing, Tone, and Route. Example: How will The Avoider response when her back is against the wall?    • Mode: E-mail    • Timing: As late as possible    • Tone: Dismissive then blunt    • Route: Avoid, then straight to the source NEED MORE HELP? Visit the authors’ website, “The Conflict Docs” to learn more. You can also purchase “The Conflict Styles Assessment,” a practical, hands-on tool “designed to help you identify different conflict types.” And as I mentioned, it’s almost summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, so I’m opting for shorter reviews for a month or two, knowing my vacationing readers will have more time to read these books. Enjoy!   TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for How to Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home, by John Eliot and Jim Guinn. Listen on Libro (9 hours). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.   YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: Does your corporate culture have “rules of the road” for addressing conflict? Is it time to refresh your resource library with selected books and niche chapters on conflict? Recommendations: [   ] Overcoming Conflict: How to Deal with Difficult People and Situations, by Bob Phillips.  [   ] How to Deal With Annoying People: What to Do When You Can’t Avoid Them, by Bob Phillips and Kimberly Alyn.  [   ] Uncommon Graces: Christlike Responses to a Hostile World, by John Vawter. [   ] Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships, by Jerry Manney.  [   ] How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Five Questions for Building the Best Possible Relationships, by Michael Bungay Stanier.  From Peacemaker Ministries: [   ] The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, by Ken Sande.  [   ] Daily Wisdom for Peacemaking: A 365-Day Devotional, by Brian Noble. (Order from Amazon.)        SECOND READS: Fresh Solutions From Classic Books You have changed—and your problems have changed—since you read this the first time! Book #18 of 99: The E-Myth Revisited For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by featuring Book #18 of 99 in our new series, “Second Reads.” The big idea: REREAD TO LEAD! Discover how your favorite books still have more to teach you and the people you’re coaching and mentoring.   The E-Myth Revisited:  Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work  and What to Do About It by Michael E. Gerber   According to the author, 40 percent of all small businesses fail in their first year. Of those that survive one year, 80 percent fail in the next five years. Only 20 percent that make it past five years are around for 10 years. Yikes!    • Read my review on Amazon (Issue No. 32, April 9, 2007).    • Order from Amazon.    • Listen on Libro (8 hours, 5 minutes)    • Management Bucket #18 of 20: The Systems Bucket I recently recommended this book to a person who the author describes as one “stricken with an entrepreneurial seizure”—a great label! Read why technicians who become CEOs or business owners (entrepreneurs) often miss the key steps for building a business when stricken with an “entrepreneurial seizure” (aka "The E-Myth").   It’s likely that your organization has content or program experts who are now managing departments or divisions, but still operating as technicians. This book could be a life-saver for them (or you). If you read it way back when—read or listen to it again. These three minutes are memorable! IMPORTANT NOTICE! Some of the links in this issue may not work. (Sorry!) Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being movedto this website. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And/or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon.   CLICK HERE FOR BOOKS BY JOHN      Does your culture anticipate workplace conflict? Check out Chapter 8, "The Culture Bucket," and Chapter 7, "The People Bucket," in the Buckets book. Podcast via AI 4 Leadership Books and 48 Niche Chapters! Click here to listen to the 12-minute AI-generated podcast, featuring two “AI podcasters” who “review” John’s reviews of four books with 48 niche chapters, including Leading People from the Middle, by Bill Robinson.  Time Management #2 of 12 Here’s Book #2 of 12 in our “book-a-month” time management series. Time is not the problem, Charles Hummel preaches. The problem is priorities. “We live in constant tension between the urgent and the important.” Read my review of this 31-page (not a typo) pamphlet that packs a punch: Tyranny of the Urgent. And visit Pails in Comparison Blog for more book reviews.