How to Get Along With Anyone

 

Issue No. 648 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (June 9, 2025) asks you raise your hand if you ever have conflicts with coworkers or family. (I see those hands—and now there’s help!) Plus, click here for recent eNews issues posted at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And, check out the 20 management buckets (core competencies). The authors of How to Get Along With Anyone list nicknames for each of the five conflict styles. If your conflict style is Collaborator, perhaps “The Hostage Negotiator” moniker will be on your next office desk nameplate! Your Best & Worst Teammates! Raise your hand if you’ve read one or more books on dealing with conflict. Now…raise your other hand if you still experience conflict in your relationships. OK…I see those hands. (But…good news! Help has arrived!)   How to Get Along with Anyone:  The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing  Conflict at Work and at Home  by John Eliot and Jim Guinn (Feb. 18, 2025)   Really, Pearson? You read another book on predicting and preventing conflict in the workplace and at home? Why? Duh! But this review isn’t about me and my conflicts—but I’ll tell you what intrigued me about this book. (And for the record: this is the first of my “Summer Shorts” reviews—quick-read reviews of books to bring along to the beach or the mountains.) #1. FIVE CONFLICT STYLES. For years, I’ve addressed conflict through the filter of the four social styles (see the People Bucket): Analyticals, Amiables, Drivers, and Expressives. But the co-authors of How to Get Along With Anyone (Fortune 500 consultants, coaches, mentors to pro athletes, psychologists, mediators, and more) say there are FIVE conflict styles—and you can master them. Hmmm!    • AVOIDER: Uninterested in minor details; excels in solitary work with a knack for concentration.    • COMPETITOR: Always pushing the envelope; never rests on laurels and takes risk for achievement.    • ANALYZER: Evidence-based and methodical; patiently gather info before acting.    • COLLABORATOR: A deeply caring, “oration virtuoso” relying on exceptional relationships skills.    • ACCOMMODATOR: Prioritizes achievements and well-being of those they care about over their own. Recognize anyone on your team—or in your family. Or you? #2. MEMORABLE NICKNAMES! Warning! You may be tempted to order office nameplates with appropriate nicknames for your co-workers, but maybe hold off until your whole team has read the book. (LOL.) John Eliot and Jim Guinn deliver these memorable monikers:    • AVOIDER: The Golfer, The Chess Master, The Artist, The Architect    • COMPETITOR: The Linebacker, The Firefighter, The First Responder, The Race Car Driver, The Gladiator    • ANALYZER: The General Manager, The Detective, The Explorer, The Archaeologist    • COLLABORATOR: The Agent, The Diplomat, The Hostage Negotiator    • ACCOMMODATOR: The Point Guard, The Concierge, The Conductor, The Sherpa What’s your nickname? #3. BEST & WORST TEAMMATES. Face it—we naturally gravitate to certain styles. The authors enrich those inclinations with best and worst pairings. Examples: BEST TEAMMATES:    • Avoiders work well with Accommodators.    • Competitors work well with Avoiders.    • Analyzers work well with Collaborators.    • Collaborators work well with Analyzers.    • Accommodators work well with Avoiders. WORST TEAMMATES:    • Avoiders don’t work well with Analyzers.    • Competitors don’t work well with Analyzers (in the short term), and Accommodators (in the long term).    • Analyzers don’t work well with Accommodators.    • Collaborators don’t work well with Avoiders.    • Accommodators don’t work well with Competitors.   Note: This is the first of our “Summer Shorts” book reviews—short, crisp, and ready for your summer vacation. Enjoy! #4. QUICK SNAPSHOTS. The description of each of the five conflict styles includes one-liner memorable snapshots, including: Common Triggers, Strengths, Weaknesses, Ideal Conflict Scenarios, Main Mo, and per above—Nicknames, Best and Worst Teammates. Examples:    • Common trigger for Analyzers: “Haste or rushing; unrealistic offers or proposals; egotistical people, uncompromising people.”    • Common trigger for Competitors: “Back seat drivers; excessive opinions about how a task is or should be being performed; passiveness; inaction, excuses.” #5. POP QUIZ! CONTEMPORARY EXAMPLES! The authors identify well-known examples of each style. So here’s my pop quiz: Identify the style represented:    • Owl from Winnie-the-Pooh    • Mike Singletary    • Prince Harry    • Dr. Ruth    • George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart) in It’s a Wonderful Life BONUS! BIG 4 CHECKLIST. Normally, I look for the meat of a book on or around page 25. But I was patient and Eliot and Guinn delivered the payoff on page 55: “Big 4 Checklist.” I photocopied this and will bring it to my next meeting! The first of five columns lists the five conflict styles and then the other column headings showcase the “Big 4 Checklist” in four categories: Mode, Timing, Tone, and Route. Example: How will The Avoider response when her back is against the wall?    • Mode: E-mail    • Timing: As late as possible    • Tone: Dismissive then blunt    • Route: Avoid, then straight to the source NEED MORE HELP? Visit the authors’ website, “The Conflict Docs” to learn more. You can also purchase “The Conflict Styles Assessment,” a practical, hands-on tool “designed to help you identify different conflict types.” And as I mentioned, it’s almost summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, so I’m opting for shorter reviews for a month or two, knowing my vacationing readers will have more time to read these books. Enjoy!   TO ORDER FROM AMAZON, click on the title for How to Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home, by John Eliot and Jim Guinn. Listen on Libro (9 hours). And thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy.   YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: Does your corporate culture have “rules of the road” for addressing conflict? Is it time to refresh your resource library with selected books and niche chapters on conflict? Recommendations: [   ] Overcoming Conflict: How to Deal with Difficult People and Situations, by Bob Phillips.  [   ] How to Deal With Annoying People: What to Do When You Can’t Avoid Them, by Bob Phillips and Kimberly Alyn.  [   ] Uncommon Graces: Christlike Responses to a Hostile World, by John Vawter. [   ] Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships, by Jerry Manney.  [   ] How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Five Questions for Building the Best Possible Relationships, by Michael Bungay Stanier.  From Peacemaker Ministries: [   ] The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, by Ken Sande.  [   ] Daily Wisdom for Peacemaking: A 365-Day Devotional, by Brian Noble. (Order from Amazon.)        SECOND READS: Fresh Solutions From Classic Books You have changed—and your problems have changed—since you read this the first time! Book #18 of 99: The E-Myth Revisited For your team meeting this week, inspire a team member to lead your “10 Minutes for Lifelong Learning” session by featuring Book #18 of 99 in our new series, “Second Reads.” The big idea: REREAD TO LEAD! Discover how your favorite books still have more to teach you and the people you’re coaching and mentoring.   The E-Myth Revisited:  Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work  and What to Do About It by Michael E. Gerber   According to the author, 40 percent of all small businesses fail in their first year. Of those that survive one year, 80 percent fail in the next five years. Only 20 percent that make it past five years are around for 10 years. Yikes!    • Read my review on Amazon (Issue No. 32, April 9, 2007).    • Order from Amazon.    • Listen on Libro (8 hours, 5 minutes)    • Management Bucket #18 of 20: The Systems Bucket I recently recommended this book to a person who the author describes as one “stricken with an entrepreneurial seizure”—a great label! Read why technicians who become CEOs or business owners (entrepreneurs) often miss the key steps for building a business when stricken with an “entrepreneurial seizure” (aka "The E-Myth").   It’s likely that your organization has content or program experts who are now managing departments or divisions, but still operating as technicians. This book could be a life-saver for them (or you). If you read it way back when—read or listen to it again. These three minutes are memorable! IMPORTANT NOTICE! Some of the links in this issue may not work. (Sorry!) Effective Oct. 1, 2025, all 657 eNews issues, previously archived on Typepad.com are slowly (!) being movedto this website. New book reviews will also be archived here at John Pearson’s Buckets Blog. And/or, click here for John’s recent book reviews on Amazon.   CLICK HERE FOR BOOKS BY JOHN      Does your culture anticipate workplace conflict? Check out Chapter 8, "The Culture Bucket," and Chapter 7, "The People Bucket," in the Buckets book. Podcast via AI 4 Leadership Books and 48 Niche Chapters! Click here to listen to the 12-minute AI-generated podcast, featuring two “AI podcasters” who “review” John’s reviews of four books with 48 niche chapters, including Leading People from the Middle, by Bill Robinson.  Time Management #2 of 12 Here’s Book #2 of 12 in our “book-a-month” time management series. Time is not the problem, Charles Hummel preaches. The problem is priorities. “We live in constant tension between the urgent and the important.” Read my review of this 31-page (not a typo) pamphlet that packs a punch: Tyranny of the Urgent. And visit Pails in Comparison Blog for more book reviews.