Doesn't Hurt to Ask

 

2020 BOOK-OF-THE-YEAR (2 books for 2020!) Issue No. 450 of Your Weekly Staff Meeting (Oct. 13, 2020) features a definite nominee for my 2020 book-of-the-year honors. In this eNews, I’m going to persuade you to read Trey Gowdy’s new book on persuasion. (See how I did that?) And this reminder: click here to download free resources from the 20 management buckets (core competencies). Master Your Favorite Persuasion Tool Trey Gowdy, who served eight years in Congress (2011-2019), confesses, “The mistakes made early in my career were many and largely rooted in two areas: not understanding the dynamics of persuasion and not understanding the nature and characteristics of those I was try to persuade.” I thought I knew a thing or two about persuasion—because I’ve been “persuading” people my entire life (or so I thought): family, friends, staff members, board chairs, board members, donors, clients, airline check-in desks (any upgrades?), and more.  Yikes! Then I read Trey Gowdy’s hot-off-the-press book, Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Using the Power of Questions to Communicate, Connect, and Persuade. Apparently, I’ve been arguing, imposing my will, machine-gunning facts, interrupting, and worse—but not persuading!   Now I realize…I knew nothing about persuasion—but, gratefully, Trey Gowdy’s graduate level course in the precise practice of persuasion has seriously inspired me! I predict his book will dramatically change your thinking about how you persuade others. It’s already changed my thinking. Gowdy’s book has some very stiff competition, but it just might be my 2020 book-of-the-year—it’s that good. Practice Makes Persuasion. As a former state and federal prosecutor, Trey Gowdy noted that his young litigators “needed two things: confidence and practice. We didn’t start in the courtroom. We started in the conference room. I would have them stand up and convince me to go see their favorite movie. That was the challenge—convince me that your favorite movie is worth my time.” (Try that at your weekly staff meeting—and then inspire your team to read Gowdy’s book.) Divert and Deflect. In the section, “Plan and Prepare for Your Strengths and Weaknesses,” Gowdy urges you to spend serious prep time on the topic, “What do you least want to be asked yourself?” When stuck, Gowdy’s Plan B is to ask “unusual questions that divert and deflect.”  If it’s still not going well, he employs two tricks—but he warns: “They are both extreme.” The first trick: silence. “Silence is the greatest attention grabber in the world.” This one powerful paragraph will come in handy soon, I’m sure! “Learn the timing of silence—longer than a breath but not long enough that others think it’s a nap.” The second trick: filibuster. “We are taught not to interrupt. We are taught to listen.” But he adds, “The most difficult witness to examine in Congress and in courtrooms are those witnesses who . . . simply . . . will . . . not . . . stop talking. Juries do not like rude people who interrupt and they certainly do not like to be interrupted.” Master Your Favorite Persuasion Tool. After detailing dozens of that’s-a-great-idea persuasion tools and techniques—generously illustrated with memorable stories inside Congress and the courtroom—Trey Gowdy concludes with this: “Just as you should identify your best communications gift, you should also identify your favorite persuasion tool. Which of the tools we have discussed would you enjoy most being highly skilled at? Which one could you see yourself mastering?” Oh…If I Could Only Replay My Videotape! While genuinely inspired about mastering my favorite persuasion tools—the book brought to mind my inept persuasion performances in at least 10 real-life situations. Arrrgh! If Gowdy had only written this book 20 years sooner! For practice, I’m replaying those videos in my mind—and I’m using “the power of questions” to move those emotional situations to a better outcome. Fortunately, I don’t have to persuade Our Holy God to shower me with grace. He’s already done that. 10 FAVORITES. This was tough—picking just 10 persuasive points: #1. Favorite chapter: “There Is Such a Thing as a Stupid Question.” (Hilarious!) #2. Favorite mentor: The mother of Trey Gowdy’s childhood best friend. In just 30 minutes with a stunning use of questions—she helped Gowdy change the trajectory of his post-college plans and his life. (Did I mention—stunning!) #3. Favorite courtroom scene: When Gowdy repeatedly asked a one-eyed witness, “Okay, what color was the blue bag?” (You’ll LOL along with the entire courtroom!) #4. Favorite insight: “Stupid questions are better than stupid answers.” He adds, “It’s the difference between sounding stupid and being stupid.” #5. Favorite license plate: US SENATOR 2. Why did Gowdy’s close friend, Sen. Tim Scott, choose that South Carolina license plate? “Trey, I was stopped [by police] seven times in one year as an elected official. Seven. I want the officers to know I am not a threat to them so nothing bad happens to me. I want to be safe, Trey, and stay alive.” #6. Favorite axiom: “The most persuasive are the persuadable.” (Convicting!) #7. Favorite contrasts: “Persuasion is not debating.” And, “Debating is science. Persuasion is art.” And, “Debating is for the best talker. Persuasion is for the better listener.” #8. Favorite definition: Chapter 5, “The Burden of Proof Is in the Pudding.” The scale of burden of proof—absolutely fascinating: “Consent (0%), Articulable Suspicion (20-25%), Probable Cause (35-50%), Preponderance (50.1%), Clear and Convincing (75%), Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (95%), Beyond All Doubt (Ha! Impossible.)” #9. Favorite short course on questioning: Brilliant explanations and examples of Leading Questions and Non-Leading Questions—and when to use them. (This reminded me of the AWE question in The Advice Trap.) #10. Favorite impeachment insights (three categories of impeachment): Impeach the facts, impeach the conclusion, or impeach the person. (See chapter nine.) Persuasive, Not Political. Although Trey Gowdy interjects numerous stories from the House committees he served on (or chaired), including Judiciary, Oversight, Intelligence, and the Select Committee on Benghazi, this book is not political—it’s persuasive, in the same way Rumsfeld’s Rules is not political.  Did I mention this might be my 2020 book-of-the-year? Enjoy! And thanks to Dick Daniels and Jason Pearson for recommending the book. (Jason’s a big fan of the audio version, narrated by Trey Gowdy—especially the courtroom scenes.) To order from Amazon, click on the title for Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Using the Power of Questions to Communicate, Connect, and Persuade, by Trey Gowdy. Are you a listener? Listen to the book on Libro.fm (8 hours, 52 minutes), narrated by Trey Gowdy. SEARCH YOUTUBE: “Trey Gowdy, Power of Persuasion.” Check out the Q&A videos on YouTube featuring interviews with Trey Gowdy, including this Q&A with the Commonwealth Club (Sept. 2, 2020). And watch his persuasion approach at a pre-Fourth of July Sunday talk at Second Baptist Church, Houston (June 28, 2020). Learn why Gowdy drove two nuns from Washington, D.C. to Charlotte, N.C.! Click here to watch this Q&A on persuasion with Trey Gowdy.    YOUR WEEKLY STAFF MEETING QUESTIONS: 1) Trey Gowdy overcame his fear of public speaking by understanding that “there is no such thing as ‘public speaking’ because there is no such thing as ‘public listening.’” Because people process info individually—just focus, he says, on one person or one camera—whether it’s five in the room or 15,000. “Furthermore,” he writes, “most people are forgiving and will overlook (or flat out miss) mistakes.” When is the last time you’ve read a book on persuasion and effective communication? Is it time for a refresher? 2) Trey Gowdy sets the courtroom scene in Chapter 16, “How Do You Know If You’ve Got It?” Before you read his poignant closing argument to the jury in a death penalty case, he challenges readers: “Make your closing argument.” Powerful—and what a memorable weekly staff meeting you could facilitate around this “Dateline” setting. Try it!    Mastering “Cultures of Connection” Insights from Mastering the Management Buckets Workbook  The core competency in the Culture Bucket affirms, “We strive to create a corporate culture with core values that are crystal clear. We yearn for a God-honoring workplace where grace and trust are alive and well.” This past weekend on Fox NFL Sunday, Michael Strahan, the popular analyst and Hall of Fame member who played his entire 15-year pro football career with the New York Giants—made a startling statement. Discussing his coach, Tom Coughlin, Strahan said it wasn’t until Coughlin began connecting with his players—off the field—that the team took shape and went on to win Super Bowl XLII over the New England Patriots in 2007—Strahan’s final season.   It reminded me of the book by another Michael S., Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, by Michael Lee Stallard, Jason Pankau, and Katharine P. Stallard. Click here to read my 2015 review. I noted that Duke University’s Mike Krzyzewski (“Coach K”) would agree that he was clueless about the power of connection—until his “Aha!” moment with his wife and three daughters around the family dinner table.   Good News! The revised, second edition of Connection Culture was published last month—and just in time! As you address the COVID-19 ripple effect, this book is needed now more than ever. The updates include additional insights and examples from organizations and companies that have mastered “cultures of connection.” When you press “END” after your next Zoom call, reflect on Michael Stallard’s warning: “Employees who feel regularly left out, lonely, or out of the loop are not going to be able to do their best work and may not wish to.” Yikes!  To order the revised edition from Amazon, click on the title for Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work (Second Edition), by Michael Lee Stallard, Todd W. Hall, Katharine P. Stallard, and Jason Pankau. (And thanks to the publisher for providing a review copy.)                       JASON PEARSON: UNEXPECTED CREATIVE. In his chapter on “Repetition, Repetition, Repetition,” Trey Gowdy writes about advertising’s “Rule of Seven” and the power of “effective frequency.” For help on crafting a communication plan that leverages repetition, contact Jason Pearson at Pearpod Media (branding, digital, print, and video).  MORE LESSONS: Effectiveness, Excellence, Elephants! Click here to order More Lessons From the Nonprofit Boardroom, by Dan Busby and John Pearson. Click here to follow the new blog with 40 guest bloggers. MORE RESOURCES: • Blog: Pails in Comparison • Subscribe: Your Weekly Staff Meeting eNews • John's book reviews: on Amazon  • Website: Management Buckets • Blog: Governance of Christ-Centered Organizations DEAR JOHN: Books, Board Chairs, and Boredom If “Dear Abby” is unable to answer your board questions, ask “Dear John” here at the ECFA Governance of Christ-Centered Organizations blog. Note: This is the NEW location for John Pearson's Buckets Blog. Slowly (!), the previous 650+ blogs posted (between 2006 and 2025) will gradually populate this blogsite, along with new book reviews each month